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“Don’t hate the player, hate the game”

Ahh, players, where do I start? Like my mother would say, “i love men, i just don’t like them.”  I love dating, and getting dressed up to go on dates. I really like the beginning, when there is so much excitement and unknown possibilities. A girl can’t help but daydream about what might be… i’m going to stop you right there…sometimes we get caught up in the lust and newness of it all, that we might miss some important red flags.

This isn’t about hating or bashing men, this is about recognizing the signs to avoid future heartbreak.

When i was only 19 i ended up dating a player. I remember one thing I was told that stood out to me – they are always good in the beginning.

Girl, that’s exactly how they get us, everything is peaches and cream. Over time their true colors start to show, and you may not be the only one they’ve been calling baby. I get it some guys love the thrill of hunt, some actually do want commitment, and some end up falling into relationships. 

Give a guy in New York a shower, a decent job, and all of a sudden hes a mack daddy. I know, girl meets boy, boy is cute, girl falls hard. It happens, most of us aren’t ice queens, walking around with bullet proof vests. For us normal gals, its ok if you fall for a player, eventually you will get over it. I think it’s best to know yourself, do the inner work. That’s where it starts, because, “ how can you love me if you don’t love yourself?”

I think it’s not so much about guys – as it is about us.

Boys will play, that’s just what they do: If we entertain or tolerate that behavior is another thing. I know, not all of us have the willpower to stay away from something thats not good for us. I did my time,  other girls will fall prey too. And i think there is are lessons to be learned from every relationship, good or bad. But in the end ultimately we have the power over whether we stay or not. It’s not you, it’s me…

Ultimately, what i’ve learned from dating a player:

  1. What i want in a man or relationship
  2. Exactly what i don’t want in a man or relationship
  3. Not to take it personally
  4. See the red flags in the beginning  and move on before you become too attached

I often blame my 19 year old self, for staying in a relationship like this for so long. But to err is human. I can’t live in that space, it only brings me down and makes me feel unlovable. I have now realized a decade later is to try to to hold onto the past, but learn from it. Instead of feeling not good enough, i have to empower myself. Honestly, i’ve worked on myself, i know im a catch and any man who can’t see how amazing i am, is an idiot. There i said it!

My best piece of advice is to keep dating. Sometimes we fall, but we must get up again. I do advise to take time to heal, but eventually you have to put yourself back out there. I say keep dating, remember to have fun, and be yourself.

 

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